December 2020

"Under my thumb, the girl who had me down... Under my thumb." It's 4:30 am I roll over to hit off my alarm. I'm still not sure why I set a 60’s Rolling Stones song as one of my alarms. But it seems to work. Unfortunately I didn't have time to make  breakfast to prepare for a day of hunting, nor did I reach for my favorite coffee mug. No, I simply got in the passenger seat with my mom driving and we were off to Ann Arbor.

So far this fall has taught me a lot; where to find birds, how to read the dog, and most importantly how to find time between a 40 hour work week to get outdoors. All of these things are important when trying to maintain a lifestyle that is centric to owning a bird dog. And it wasn't until recently that I realized perhaps I was doing too much in pursuit of the changing season and all it's opportunities.

It's now, 5:53 am. I'm the first person to walk into this bottom floor reception in a wing of the main hospital at University of Michigan.

 "Just a moment sir, we have a few things to prepare before we open at 6." 

Well at least I'm the first person here I thought, And right at six am, after an awkward few minutes waiting for them to finish their conversation about how the day will go I get called up.

"Here you go, you will need to drink this and another one at 6:30 am." 

Barium Sulfate, I don't have a damn clue what it is. But in smoothie form and berry flavored, it must be tolerable. Wrong. A few slurps into it I start looking up on my phone what I am drinking. It'll make my insides much easier to see when reading the CT scan results.

6:30 am rolls around, and I am handed another smoothie and taken into a room to change into a gown and prepare for an IV with some nurses. Once being set up for that I am directed back into the changing room where there are a few chairs to wait. With an IV in my right arm and a shake in my left, I sit down. Within a minute a man is being directed to complete the same task. He changes into the same gown as me, and walks slowly across the hall to get an IV.

"Man... I really thought I had this shit beat."

Already feeling out of place, a faint sense of vulnerability creeps into my throat. "Yeah, I hear ya."  But I had no idea. Feeling dumb and awkward after such a response I sat in silence trying to finish my second smoothie, while watching across from me this man with his hands over his eyes and elbows on his knees.

"Elijah" he gets up slowly as the nurse greets him.

"How are you doing?"

"Well I am here, that's all that matters."

I didn't have much time to compartmentalize this interaction before a nurse came for me. And it wasn't 20 minutes later I was on my way out of this part of the hospital, and excited to get something real to eat! Coming out of the waiting room, Elijah was a few places ahead of me. Back in regular clothes he was accompanied by what I guessed to be his daughter. I heard a small chuckle as she leaned her head and arm around him and walked.

-The reason I was getting a CT scan was to monitor the growth/spread of a testicular tumor. Since this day I have had surgery to remove the tumor and am waiting for the next game plan to handle this disease. In a short time frame of a couple of weeks I had been diagnosed, examined, and operated on. All thanks to the University of Michigan's Health organization. I know that I have a bit of a battle in front of me but with the help of these professionals and most importantly family and friends I have no doubt or reason to fear anything.-

In the elevator back to the main floor. It's me, Elijah and his daughter. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a winter hat. I noticed it's logo, "Harley Davidson." Now perhaps this is just a random hat, but I would like to believe that he once had a Harley. Or maybe still has a Harley. And maybe riding it or dreaming of riding is his passion. Regardless, the door opened and I left the hospital. The entire way home I thought about this and his statement to me. I couldn't help but to think, what does he wish he could do?

A day away from surgery I get home to my two year old Golden Retriever, who is eager to get outside. We have spent every moment of free time this fall up at our cabin outside of Mio, Michigan. Chasing Ruffed Grouse and Woodcock. The two of us even planned and executed a trip to Minnesota to meet friends and hunt wild Pheasants. Needless to say Cabot was ready as always to get out and hunt.

Within a 30 minute drive we accessed some state land where I have had brief encounters with some pheasants. The sun was out, it was 35 degrees and two days into December. I couldn't ask for a better scenario. Over the next two hours we hiked around every part of this particular property. And wouldn't you know it, Cabot flushed three roosters. All of which caught me off guard, being either too far from the both of us or knee deep in a cattail swamp. Regardless, I felt an all time high finding those birds.

Everyone has something they are passionate about. Be it work or hobbies, finding a way to make a difference within those passions is what drives us to success. I write this today because I let all of these things get in the way of addressing symptoms.  I was too caught up in what tomorrow holds. However through this, I hope to bring light to this subject and make it easier to talk about.  

Since all of this, I haven't told many people, however within the small group I have shared this with. Five have told me they know men this has happened to. I can't speak on their behalf, but I know I fell victim to not opening up about this until I knew what it was. Moving forward this must change, regardless of stigma, taboo, pride, or a few more miles behind a bird dog.